I don’t know what it says about me that this is my second post about Twilight. Do with this information what you will.
About a month or so ago, I decided to take a deep dive back into the Twilight madness by listening to the audiobook of Midnight Sun. I never read those leaked chapters on the internet years ago, but my burning curiosity got the better of me this time. Listening to the story of Twilight, as experienced by Edward Cullen, has been more of a wild ride than I expected; it’s all raging teen hormones and really fucking sassy quips from Edward as he listens to everyone’s private thoughts, seething from a distance.
Everyone freaked out about the description of Bella’s horrendous outfit the first time she meets the Cullen family, mostly because it screams of Mormonism, but if the movie would have had an ounce of Edward’s attitude in Midnight Sun then I’d argue we would have ended up with a very different movie. The masses ripped Kristen Stewart for being a supposedly bad actress in the series, yet with my most recent outing into this universe I think we ended up with a watered down version of the teen drama we wanted. I think Kristen took the director’s notes and did her best, so we can’t fault her for it.
At this point, I’m convinced everyone would have loved the movie more if the characters were a more accurate representation of the characters from the books. Mike Newton isn’t just some weird jock with more than a few cringe-worthy lines, he’s actually a creep who won’t leave Bella alone and can’t take a hint. Jessica is even more shallow and bitchy, convinced the new girl’s friendship is only a ploy meant to secretly undermine and destroy her. And most importantly, Bella is not sheepish and incapable, she’s blunt and doesn’t seem to care what most people think of her. Don’t get me wrong, Edward is still a creepy stalker, and beyond any reasoning completely obsessed with Bella because he finds it impossible to resist the sweet scent of her blood. Apparently that’s enough for him to determine he’d like to spend the rest of his immortal life with her. If only it were that easy for the rest of us.
I just reached a moment where Edward is hiding out either in or near a tree just beyond the Swan’s property line. Bella is sitting outside reading Sense & Sensibility while Edward watches her nod off. At least, I think that’s what happened, but it was a bit unclear. That’s what I get for listening to an audiobook while showering. In her sleep, Bella begins mumbling the name Edward, but Edward Cullen quickly realizes it’s because of Edward Ferrars from the book she’s been reading. His immortal seventeen year old self acts as if he’s been shot through the heart because it’s not him she’s dreaming about, but instead Hugh Grant in a cravat as Edward Ferrars. The whole thing was delightedly ridiculous, especially his internal reasoning for why what he’s doing isn’t so creepy after all.
It turns out Midnight Sun is a mess of moody teenagers, definitely horny vampires, and the everlasting struggle between good and evil. It’s been so long since I’ve read Twilight I can’t really remember what everything looked like from Bella’s perspective. I would pay good money to see the version of this story where Edward rolls his eyes every 10 minutes and his mind reading lets us in on the savage thoughts inside everyone’s heads. I’m only 1/4 of the way through, and this book reads heavily like wish-fulfillment fan fiction, but I’m along for the ride.
Ten ish years later and I still don’t understand the logic behind a vampire who can get a boner without a heartbeat or their own blood. Imagining Edward hunting in the woods so he can drink blood just to get it up to get laid is as ridiculous as everything else in this damn book. Don’t judge me, apparently the internet created an explanation for biggest plot hole in the entire series. I still don’t buy it.
The Rummy Writer 