I am still a student in the act of finding balance in life. It’s usually easier said than done, but I didn’t have to tell you that for you to know it’s true.
I’ve been known to guilt myself over working too much and not taking enough time for the things I find joyful, or doing the exact opposite. It’s too easy to tear yourself up about the things you didn’t do as opposed to recognizing what you have accomplished, even when it doesn’t feel like much.
Maybe if I acknowledge those things here it will help.
I finished another book toward my yearly reading goal. I watched a couple new movies. I caught up with a friend over drinks. I spent the day with my family on Sunday. I made a killer breakfast burrito the other day. I’ve been working on new creative projects and making time to write. I went to the gym twice this week and paid my bills. Sure it might not sound like a whole lot, but I’ve appreciated all of these moments.
The sun has decided to make its reappearance in Ohio after what felt like a near constant shroud of gray clung to the sky with white knuckles. And as if it doesn’t happen every year, the light streaking in through the windows might as well be something like instant happiness. These apartment walls don’t feel as suffocating when I can see the blue of the sky and hear kids running around outside laughing until their sides are in stitches.
Mac is snoozing peacefully on the couch at my feet.
What I read:
They Can’t Kill Us Until They Kill Us by Hanif Abdurraqib
This collection of essays will more than likely be one of my favorite reads of the year. Hanif Abdurraqib’s writing has a way of fully enveloping you in whatever story he’s telling; even if you aren’t familiar with the subject it doesn’t matter. Reading these essays felt like listening to a friend passionately telling you stories important to their formation as a person. They were anything but tedious. This is what non-fiction writing should be, and why I think poets make some of the best writers when it comes to memoir.
Many of these essays were deeply personal, a reminder of the breadth of feelings coexisting inside of us at all times. There is room for grief and joy and community and loneliness and everything.
The Villa by Rachel Hawkins
Every now and then I love a solid thriller/mystery that doesn’t concern itself with trying to be completely revolutionary when it comes to the genre. This was the quickest read I’ve had in a while. Two childhood friends take off for a summer spent at a notorious villa in Italy where an up and coming musician was murdered in the 1970’s. While working on their next books, the two women become entangled in the mystery of the murder and are forced to tackle their own issues as they bubble toward the surface.
I genuinely didn’t expect the second twist in this story, finding myself absolutely shocked as I realized what this meant for the main characters. My one complaint is how unlikeable the women were in the present day thread and I found myself not caring for them much. Sure, it added to the tension between the two of them, but for the most part they were a little insufferable.
What I Watched:
Look Both Ways (2022)
I put off watching this one for a while because I had a feeling it was going to send my brain into a spiral (thankfully it didn’t). It’s a cheesy, heartfelt story about a young woman on the brink of graduating from college who thinks she might be pregnant after a one night stand with a friend. Her story ends up diverging into two paths: one where she is pregnant and raises a daughter and another where she was never pregnant and jets off the L.A. to chase her dreams of becoming an animator.
It ended up being an uplifting story about how in the simplest terms “everything is going to be okay”. No matter what unexpected places life takes you, you have the power to write the rest of your story the way you want.
Appendage (2023)
Thank you, Hulu, for having the best selection of entertaining yet mediocre horror movies. Sometimes a girl just wants to watch a scary movie in the middle of the day that won’t make her feel like her life is actually in danger. This was a mix of horror and comedy, doing just enough to freak you out without pushing fully over the edge into total doom. A woman, clearly grappling with extreme stress in her relationships suddenly has an appendage growing from a birthmark on her stomach. But this appendage has sharp teeth and no shame, speaking ugly things to its host before detaching itself and becoming something resembling a human.
As the woman deals with the grotesque monster she has tied up in her basement, she comes to realize the people she has run to for support aren’t who they claim to be.
Today I won’t feel bad for loafing around on the couch most of the day doing whatever I want because I don’t think most of us get enough days where we don’t feel the pressure to do something productive. The clutter will get picked up eventually and the stray Christmas decorations will be put away. I’ll make room for the clean laundry and stop feeling weird about genuine rest.
The Rummy Writer 