There’s an infinite amount of wisdom to be found in the yapping that happens in a group chat with your girlfriends.
Rativities is what we’ve lovingly named our group chat. The most recent topic of conversations amongst friends was the universal feeling other people have grander accomplishments and lead more enchanting lives than we do. When I make that statement I’m certain everyone has at least one person who pops into their head, begrudgingly. It leaves you feeling like you’re behind on something even though the something I’m speaking on is impalpable.
It turns out, to no one’s surprise, comparison is the thief of joy–thanks Teddy Roosevelt.
Someone somewhere out there wants at least one thing you have; whether it be a talent, skill, or accomplishment. There’s this one person I went to college with that comes to mind while ruminating on this subject and I shake off the little green monster every time he grabs onto my shoulders to whisper into my ear I should desire what they have. I shouldn’t envy this person because I can only see what they’re prepared to share with the world, I don’t see the nitty gritty shit none of us wants to divulge about the less desirable stretches of our paths. People have become greatly skilled at transforming the mundane into the momentous, warping the truth to make life seem more dazzling than it probably is at the end of the day. I’ve found more often than not the projection people cast out into the world of themselves is carefully doctored to present only the best bits.
The moral of the story is we’re all autonomous humans with our own desires, yet even if we want the same thing when it comes down to it the way we get there will always be different. Life is meant to be a joy, so try everything you want to whether you’re good at it or not, regardless of whether it goes anywhere.
I feel like I’ve been waiting for fall to arrive for an eternity, ready for the heat of summer to fade out until next year. Yesterday I sat on the couch before work with my dog Mac and read while raindrops tapped against my living room windows, slowly streaking across the panes. It was a short rain when I would wish for a storm to swirl over the city, dropping a curtain of rain over everything that used to be green.
The next three months, the last of the year, will be spent cozying up inside when I don’t have other plans. I’ll have a stack of books and movies at the ready for those times leaving the house sounds unfavorable. I’ll sit down and write more of my book and cook delicious food after the sun has disappeared for the evening.
What I’m reading…
I just finished On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong for book club. I devoured this book, which I think is partially due to the poetic prose and the structure of this book essentially being a collection of vignettes about various experiences of the narrator Little Dog. This book has what I would consider the most raw and accurate portrayal of living in America and the way it presents the immigrant experience doesn’t shy away from the hard truths of being categorized as “other”.
The way poetry and memoir intertwine in this story made it impossible to put down. It’s a confessional dealing with generational trauma, addiction, grief, queerness, and identity. Vuong is able to bottle up the cloud hanging over youthful understanding, the uncertainty of an age where we know so little of the world ourselves and our ideas are informed by the experiences of others who seem to know more. Despite having so few things in common with Little Dog, his feelings are universal in the broader sense that we all have our own trauma and complicated memories to process.
My gripes with this book are few, but as a reader I find it difficult when a main narrative thread tying everything together is missing from a story. The vignettes come together as they interweave experiences of the women in Little Dog’s family and his own, yet I felt something was missing. I wanted their narratives to come together in a deeper way than Little Dog having to come to terms with the trauma passed onto him. We get brief bursts of the stories of his mother and grandmother, but I wanted them to hold more weight than they do.
What I’m watching…
I have a neurotic dog who finds himself triggered by anything that looks like an animal, even on a television, so finding shows to turn on so I don’t have to watch him like a hawk has proven to be difficult. We started watching older seasons of Hell’s Kitchen because if there’s one thing I love it’s watching Gordon Ramsay yell at people. It’s also the perfect thing to have on for background noise when I’m working on something.
About a week or so ago I went to see Speak No Evil, which is a remake of I believe a Danish movie. I was told to watch the original because it was probably better than the American remake, which I will do, but I am here to say James McAvoy is fantastic at playing a psychopath. It’s about one family who befriends another family while on vacation in Italy; despite barely knowing each other they spend a weekend together in the remote countryside. Some weird things start happening and it’s basically a lesson in learning not to feel like you need to please people. If you love thrillers, even ones with unrealistic endings, I’d recommend giving this a watch.
I’m a few years late, but I also finally got around to watching Last Night in Soho. I found it to be one of those movies with a stunning cast and a premise leaving me wanting something more. Matt Smith and Anya Taylor-Joy felt like a waste of talent. It follows two women trying to make a name for themselves in London, one in the past and the other in the present. The story would have been more compelling if it focused on just one of the women, or explored the subject of mental illness on a deeper level than it did.
What I’m working on…
It’s difficult being a creative person these days. Markets have been pretty disappointing this year, to the point where I’m wondering if designing jewelry is something I can feasibly spend the time on anymore. There’s so much I want to do and it feels silly to pour all of this time into something I’m losing out on–jury is still out on how things will change with my little business. It’s getting harder and harder to have people tell me they love what I do only to be in the negative at the end of most events. Maybe I need to be more intentional about the number events I do. Maybe I’m missing something. I don’t know.
I should be writing more. I wish I had the energy when I have nothing but free time, but you know how it goes. There is slow progress happening, which is better than nothing. I keep telling myself no matter what I do the first draft is going to suck and that’s okay, I just need to keep writing.
Keep going
The Rummy Writer 